50 Tears To Cry
by Not so human anymore
Summary: Crying doesn't make you weak Eren. It makes you human.
1. Chapter 1

He looked like a corpse. Blood covered his pale body. Small trails of steam rose around him as the last traces of a titan corpse evaporated. Several fallen soldiers were scattered around the area, many in pieces. Large chuncks of stone and wood littered the ground. A smaller stone lay innocently next to his skull. Blood slowly leaked from the wound it had inflicted. And like a true member of the Survey Corps, he had a pair of broken blades grasped in his bloody hands.

Eren felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. He landed clumsily next to his fallen commander. Now that he was closer he could see the large bite mark on the side of his leg and the deep gash in his side. The crimson liquid lazily leaking from his body was a stark contrast to his white skin.

"Captain," Eren breathed. He dropped to his knees, not caring that his white pants were being stained by the still warm blood. "Captain are you okay?"

When the man didn't respond Eren leaned over and pressed his ear to his commander's bloody chest. The warm liquid stuck to the side of his face. His eyes slid closed and he tried to block out the sounds of battle around him. He held his breath and pressed a hand to his free ear. His eyes stung when he realised that it did little to help.

He released a shaky breath. A titan's distant roar reached his ears. His fingers dug into Levi's bloody shirt. He couldn't stop the quiet sob from slipping past his lips. His shoulders trembled and he closed his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from spilling over.

"Please," he begged. "Please don't be dead. Please Captain."

He felt hot tears trail down his face. Another quiet sob escaped him. He buried his nose into the bloody fabric of his commander's shirt. He couldn't hear the horrors going on around him anymore. All he could hear was the silence. And it was deafening.

"You're heavy."

Eren sat up sharply, fresh tears burning his cheeks. His teal eyes connected with a pair of steel grey. He felt another sob escape him, though it sounded more like a laugh.

"Hey brat."

**AN: This will be 50 one-shots of Eren crying. Why? Because I can. But seriously, he cries a lot. It makes sense though. His life is hell. I feel bad for him.**


	2. Chapter 2

"Its my fault."

"No it not."

"Yes it is. If I'd fought then maybe I could've saved them."

"No, if you'd fought then you'd be bloody mess right now. And thats if you even survived."

Levi watched as the damn brat stood there trembling, fighting back tears. The sight caused an irrational anger to rise up inside him. He felt his fingers begin to curl into a fist and crossed his arms to stop the invulentary action.

"I could've saved at least some of them." The brat muttered, his voice thick with emotion.

Levi sighed heavily. "Dwelling in it won't bring them back."

A pair of bright teal eyes locked with his. "Are you telling me to just forget them?"

"I'm telling you to stop blaming yourself." He calmly replied.

"But its my fault!" The brat screamed, fat tears spilling over his lids. "I should've fought! I should've shifted! I should've saved them! But no, I ran away like a coward instead!"

It was getting harder to keep himself under control. He could feel his hands forming invulentary fists. He could hear his heart pounding in his chest. He could see his vision begining to blur. And he could taste the bile rising up in his throat. But with a few blinks and the clenching of his jaw, he was back in control in a matter of seconds.

"You need to calm down Jaeger." If this was any other member of the Survey Corps, those words would have probably gotten through. The soldier would have stopped and thought. They would have given the Lance Corperal time to explain what happened when they had been blinded by the sight of their commerads being slaughtered. They may not have understood, but they would have at least thought before saying something stupid. But this was Eren.

"How can you say that? Don't you care? You lost all those soldiers and you don't even bat an eye! And then you tell me to just act like it was nothing! Like I couldn't have saved all those soldiers. Are you really that heartless?"

He heard the blow before he saw the fist. And he saw the fist before he realised that it was his fist that had connected with Eren's face. He grabbed a fistful of Eren's shirt and roughly pulled the brat down to eye level. He found himself grinding his teeth.

"Don't you dare talk about shit that you know nothing about." He hissed. "Do you honestly think that I don't give a shit about who lives and who dies? Do you think that I don't fucking care? You don't know me as well as you think you do, so stop fucking acting like it."

Eren stood frozen, looking too teriffied to move. He was still trembling violently, hot tears pouring down his flushed cheeks. A bruise was already forming on the side of his face. Even though it would be gone by tomorrow, it would be grotesque tonight. His lower lip was trembling slightly. A quiet whimper escaped him.

"I'm not heartless Eren." Levi whispered, loosening his grip. "I've just learned that I need to remain strong when everyone else it weak. I need to remain calm in complete chaos. And I need to be the rock that everyone holds onto when things fall apart."

"I'm sorry." Eren mumbled.

"Don't be, you're still young. But you have to stop blaming yourself for every soldier's death. I've been doing this for a lot longer than you brat, and I know when a situation is hopeless. If you'd fought, then they would have overwhelmed you and we would've had to save you. More soldiers would have died and you would have been severely injured. I'll let you fight if I think it will help, but if something like that happens again we will retreat. If that means I have to drag you away kicking and screaming again, then I will. And if you listened to me and I didn't have to drag you away, then maybe it would be easier on both of us."

He let Eren's shirt slip through his fingers. The brat was still sobbing like a child. And just like when he punched him, he didn't realize that he was wrapping his arms around the fifteen year old until he felt Eren's burning face against his neck. The brat's shoulders heaved with ragged breaths and heavy sobs. He felt a pair of strong hands grip the back on his jacket. And even though he knew Eren was trying to keep quiet, he could still hear the whimpers and mumbled apologises rolling off the brat's tongue.

He held the back of Eren's head in his hand, and rubbed small circles across his back. The act seemed to make the brat cry harder. He buried his nose in Eren's hair. Heat radiated off his skin and burned Levi's face. He didn't care.

"I'm sorry I'm so weak." Eren mumbled into his neck when he finally started to calm down.

"You're not weak Eren." He replied.

"Yes I am. I can't save anyone. And I'm always crying."

Levi moved to rest his chin on Eren's head. "Crying doesn't make you weak Eren. It makes you human."


	3. Chapter 3

Cold, silver eyes. They bore into his own. And the complete lack of emotion terrified him more then the hands around his thoat. Even as he lay there, stuggling to take in even small amounts of oxygen he was still more scared of those eyes.

"I told you this would happen." The man above him said in a calm voice. "I told you to control yourself. But you didn't listen to me. And look where its gotten you."

"I'm sorry," he forced out. The simple act made him see stars.

"Do you think that changes anything?" The older man tightened his grip, cutting off the last of Eren's oxygen supply. "Do you think I care? You're getting what you deserve. You're getting what all monsters deserve."

Hot tears burned his face. They'd been falling since this began, but they were hotter now. They were falling faster. Those words hurt more than the blades in his hands. They dwarfed the white hot stabs of pain that shot through his arms with each beat of his pounding heart. They made the broken bones in his hands seem like nothing.

He felt nimble fingers brush his sweaty bangs away from his face. They felt like Levi's, but Levi was currently choking the life out of him. He stared into those cold eyes. They were so empty, so devoid of life.

_"Calm down Eren."_

That voice. It was definately Levi's. But the man above him was Levi. And he hadn't spoken. Even if he had, it wouldn't have sounded like that. It would have sounded dangerously calm and empty. Not full of concern.

_"Its not real Eren. None of its real."_

The voice made him cry harder. Every fiber of his being wished that was true. He closed his eyes and ignored the burning pain in his lungs. Why couldn't it just be true?

He felt Levi lean forward. Heavy forearms pressed into his chest. Cool breath tickled his face. "You don't deserve to live." He whispered. "You don't deserve to exist."

_"Its going to be okay Eren."_ The other Levi whispered sweetly into his ear.

A whimper escaped him. No it wasn't. He was going to die.

"No one cares about you." Levi pressed down harder on his tender neck. "No one will miss you when you die. They will thank me when you're gone."

He was right. So many have died because of him. And so many more would die. Who would miss him? Who would blame Levi for his death? Who would care?

_"Damnit Jaeger,"_ the other Levi growled, his voice trembling slightly. He felt something touch his wrists. _"Let go, you're choking yourself."_

He felt the hands start to pull away. The grip on his wrists had increased singificantly. It made the pain in his hands intensify. He struggled to take in air. It proved pointless when he started sobbing.

_"You need to relax. You going to sufficate." _Levi hissed into his ear.

He knew that. Why was he just pointing out the obvious?

_"Let go brat,"_ Levi growled. _" Let go, calm down, and open your fucking eyes."_

The pounding in his head made itself known at that point. It was getting harder to focus. He felt light headed. His stomach was tying itself in knots. The pain smashing against his skull was growning worse. It felt like his head was going to explode.

The grip on his neck loosened further. He could feel the bones in his wrists grinding together. His hands were almost completely numb. His sobbing grew more frantic, making breathing harder. What made it worse was the fact that he wasn't crying over Levi anymore. He was crying over his lack of oxygen.

The grip on his wrists suddenly disappeared and he was being choked again. Levi started whispering cruel things into his ear. He could feel the man's warm breath on his face. He could feel the weight on his chest where he'd taken to sitting. He could feel one hand reaching up and moving the blade. He could feel the cold metal sliding out of his injured hand. His heart hammered against his chest. He was going to be stabbed to death. Levi was going to stab him. He was going to-

Pain exploded in the right side of his face. His head snapped painfully to the side. His eyes flew open to see not the dark forest floor, but rather the gental glow of a candle sitting innocently on a nightstand. The hands around his neck were still there, but they were far looser.

"Let go Eren," he heard Levi say.

It was then that he realized that the hands wrapped around his neck were his own. He forced himself to relax. Fingers gently pried his aching hands away. A whimper of pain escaped him.

Levi sighed above him and he forced himself to look at the older man. He was tempted to look at the man's eyes, but found himself too afraid to see them empty. So he let his eyes drift to his hands which were still clasped tightly in a pair of smaller, cooler hands. In the dim light he could see the deep, bleeding, self inflicted teeth marks in his smooth skin. He blinked several times, trying to remember when he'd bitten them. It was probably done on instinct. The thought scared him in more ways than one.

"I could hear you screaming all the way upstairs." Levi said calmly. "It sounded like someone was trying to kill you."

He turned his head away, and let the hot tears fall. Several small whimpers escaped him. "I'm sorry," was all he could think to say.

"What?"

The sharp sound made him flinch. He closed his eyes and sobbed quietly. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He felt a cool hand in his hair, brushing his sweaty hair from his face. The action reminded him of his dream, which made him cry even harder. His throat felt sore and it was getting harder to breathe.

"Its okay now," Levi murmered into his ear. "Just calm down. I won't let anyone hurt you."

His sobbing turned to wailing. Soft words were whispered into his ear, though they didn't help. He couldn't bring himself to say that there was only one person that he was actually afraid of.

**AN: I'm so sorry. I wrote this over spring break, but couldn't bring myself to look at it again until yesterday. It wasn't supposed to end like that. I just tend to write really dark stuff when I'm on vacation. I don't know why.**


	4. Chapter 4

Violent sobs wracked his body as he wailed loudly into his pillow. The sound came out muffled and he prayed that no one upstairs could hear it. He would probably die from embarasment if anyone came to check on him. At the same time, he hoped someone would.

He buried his face deeper into the pillow. Pain shot through his chest as he released several hacking sobs. Every breath, sob, and wail was like acid down his burning throat. His heart beat in time with the intense pounding in his skull. Salty tears stung his raw face. And he knew that it was nothing compared to the pain of the soldiers who'd had to save him just two days proir.

The matress sunk under the weight of someone sitting beside him. He tensed and held his breath. A quiet sigh reached his ears and cool fingers threaded through his hair. He leaned into the touch and turned to face the man next to him. Tired steel grey eyes locked with his own.

"How many times are we going to do this?" Levi asked, his voice matching his tired appearence.

Eren shrugged weakly, letting his blurry gaze drift to the wall. His shoulders trembled as several quiet sobs escaped him. Another sigh reached his ears, this one heavier. The cool fingers massaging his scalp drifted down to his neck. A shiver ran up his spine and he coughed weakly into his damp pillow.

"Torturing yourself isn't going to solve anything." Levi continued. "All it does is keep you up at night. That makes you tired, which makes it harder to fight. You don't want to collapse in the middle of a battle. You'll die, which will lead to more deaths. Then someone else will torture themselves. And the cycle begins again."

Eren looked up at his superior. The man's gaze was distant, as though he'd forgetten where he was. The years showed on his face and his eyes darkened. For a moment Levi looked like he might cry, but the moment passed and he looked back at Eren with tired eyes.

"Go to sleep." Levi ordered.

He wanted to respond, even if it was a simple "yes sir," but he didn't trust his voice not to crack. So he simply nodded and gave a weak smile. Slowly, he flipped the pillow. His face buried into the cool clothe and he closed his eyes. He didn't fail to notice the slight trembling of the cool hands on his neck.

**AN: Not as depressing as the last. Not as long either. Or as challenging. And it had a kind of happy ending. If you can call any of this happy.**

**Now, I like to reply to reviews but since "Cyborg" is either a guest or is like me most of the time and didn't sign in I'm just going to do it here. Thanks for the review. Um, how is it nice to see him like this?**


	5. Chapter 5

Levi had grown used to this. It was a regular occurance in fact. He would check on Eren before going to bed himself and more often than not find the brat sobbing like a three year old. Today was no different.

Eren made no indication that he'd heard the door open. He remained still even as Levi closed the door, set his candle on the night stand, and sat on the edge of the bed. He stared down at the brat, watching his shoulders tremble and his chest rise and fall in uneven breaths. He turned the hot cup in his hands, listening to the quiet whimpers.

"I have to stop doing this," he heard Eren mumble into his pillow.

"What are you talking about?" Levi asked.

Glassy teal eyes locked with his. "Crying," he said. "I have to stop crying."

He took a sip of his tea, letting the warmth spread throughout his body. It made the damp air feel colder and caused a shiver to run up his spine. Licking his lips he released a hot breath through his nose. It caused another shiver to run through him.

"You usually ask why." Eren muttered.

He took another sip of his tea. "You're usually too tired or worked up to respond. We both know you're going to tell me anyway. You wouldn't have opened your mouth otherwise."

They stared at eachother for several seconds before Eren looked away. He pressed his flushed face into his damp pillow. His lips trembled and his breath was shaky, but he seemed to be getting himself under control. Dark brown bangs fell in his face and he made no move to push them away.

"You don't cry," he finally mumbled.

"I'm thirty four fucking years old. I'm humanity's strongest soldier. I've been surrounded by death since you were still potty training. I stopped crying a long time ago." He brushed the hair out of Eren's eyes. "But you're only fifteen. That means you're still a brat. And brats are supposed to cry over stupid shit. I've never seen you cry over stupid shit."

Teal eyes looked tenatively back at him. "I still cry too much."

He felt the corners of his mouth twitch. "You say that like its a bad thing."

"Isn't it though?" Eren mumbled, digging his face out of his pillow. He shifted to get a better veiw of his superior.

"We've already been through this." Levi replied, bringing his cup to his lips.

The brat didn't reply, choosing instead to stare silently at the wall.

**AN: Can I ask you guys something? Can you give me some suggestions? I know I've only done five of these but they're a lot harder than I thought. I'm running out of ideas. So throw some my way. Tell me what you want to see happen. Or what characters you want to pop up. Anything really. Because between this, school, and writing my book I'm finding it hard to get ideas.**

**In other news, I think I'm just going to start replying to reviews here. So starting next post I'm going to do just that. And now, because I took care of the other last night, "Cyborg." Thank you, I was going for that. I think he would cry a lot when he's alone.**


	6. Chapter 6

The thick scent of blood filled his nose. The crimson liquid soaked his clothes and skin. Only some of it burned as it turned to steam in the morning air. Every fiber of his being screamed at him to sink his teeth into his hand. The only reason he hadn't was the fact that his hands were tied behind his back.

His throat burned from screaming, something he'd stopped once he realized that it was only startling the horses. He'd also stopped struggling, but only because of the threats from the man beside him. At this point, he wouldn't put it past the man to leave him here. In fact, he'd probably leave him tied up so that he couldn't fight back as he was torn apart by titans.

The cool wind burned his raw, tear stained cheeks. He stared blankly at the ground, trying to ignore his bruising stomach. Fire ran through his chest, constricting his lungs. His head pounded in time with the horse's running. It made his eyes hurt and his vision swim.

The loud bang of the man firing his flare gun was deafening and left his ears ringing. He prayed that it wasn't another titan, knowing that they couldn't handle another attack. He felt them change course. Lifting his head, he caught the sight of a titan in the distance. Anger rose inside him and an animalistic growl passed his lips.

"Behave," the man above him barked. The hand on his back gripped his shirt, ready to hold him down should he try to escape.

He ground his teeth and dropped his bluring gaze. Hot tears burned his face again. His fingers curled into fists and he felt the ghost of his teeth on his hand. Trembling with anger, he clenched his jaw so tightly it made him dizzy. Bile rose up in his throat.

Everything about this moment pissed him off. He should be allowed to fight. That's the only reason he was still alive, right? The Survey Corps wanted him to fight titans. So he should be allowed to fight titans. Not be tied up and thrown onto Captain Levi's horse when he tries.

**AN: Yeah, so this came a little later than normal. I was kinda depressed for a week. And it had **_**nothing**_** to do with my noticable lack of reviews last chapter. But just so you guys know, the reviews make me very happy. I read them all and love them. Very much. So if you want me to be happy, please review. It makes me feel like I'm a bad writer when no one reviews. Which sucks. Especially because I'm in a creative writing class. So all of my journals this week have been my angsty rambling. Like this. This is angsty rambling. **

**Anyway, please review. Give me suggestions, if you have them. Tell me what you think of this. Or just say hi. I don't care. But, and I pray this doesn't become a regular thing, please review. **


	7. Chapter 7

He stared up at them with too bright teal eyes. His skin burned and glistened with a thick coat of sweat. Despite being buried in several layers of blanckets, he was still shivering violently. The bright red flush decorating his cheeks was a brilliant contrast to his deathly pale skin.

"His fever just won't break," Hanji muttered, gently brushing Eren's sweaty bangs from his forehead. "I don't even know if he can heal from brain damage."

"I'm sure he'll be fine. The brat can grow back entire limbs, so a little brain damage won't be a problem." Levi replied.

The room fell back into silence, save for the incoherent mumbles emitted by the fifteen year old in the bed. Occationally he would squirm or attempt to grab something, only to fall back into a semi-concious state. It was during these times that his mumbling would begin to sound like words, but those made even less sense than the noises.

"I wonder what he's seeing." Hanji mumbled quietly.

Levi looked at her and raised his eyebrow.

She met his gaze. "He's hallucinating, so I can't help but wonder what he's seeing."

"Its probably some shitty nightmare." Levi replied. "Not that it matters. He won't remember it anyway."

"But wouldn't it be interesting to know?" She turned her gaze back down to the boy, looking suddenly worried. "I think his fever went up."

Levi gently placed his hand on Eren's forehead, only to jerk back at the sudden heat. "Yeah, I think it has."

He rose from his seat on the bed and walked to the bathroom. He returned with a pitcher of water and several rags. Hanji had already stripped the bed and was now trying to comfort the startled brat. Eren's too bright eyes were frantically scanning the room, looking for whatever had distured him. The bright teal orbs landed on him and held for several seconds before moving on.

Levi walked back to the bed and set the pitcher and rags on the nightstand. He dipped the clothe into the cool water. He rung out the clothe and gently rubbed it across Eren's forehead. Terrified, glassy eyes looked at him. He slid the clothe down the brat's face and around his neck. Shivering and whimpering quietly, the brat backed away slowly.

Hanji caught him in her arms. He weakly struggled against her, mumbling nonsense. She tried to calm him, brushing his hair from his face and whispering words of comfort that wouldn't reach him. Levi rubbed the damp rag across Eren's hot skin. The clothe was quickly growing warm.

Quiet sobs reached his ears and he looked back up to see tears rolling down the boy's face. His mumbling grew more frantic. Weakly, he tried to bring his hand to his mouth. Hanji quickly caught the limb and pulled it down.

"It would be really bad if he transforms like this." Levi pointed out as he lifted the boy's shirt.

"Don't worry," Hanji replied. "I don't think he can. But its better to be safe than sorry."

They fell back into silence as Levi rubbed the rag across Eren's chest. The boy was shaking like a leaf. He stopped struggling, would probably collapse if it weren't for Hanji. Small sobs and mews of discomfort escaped his lips.

If he were a normal human, he would be dead by now. Hell, he would've died days ago. It was still shocking that no one else had gotten sick. By this point, they were thinking that it was some kind of titan sickness. And because of that, they knew nothing about it. That's what pissed off Levi the most. They knew nothing, and could do nothing. He felt too bright teal eyes staring at him.

**AN: Let me start off by apologising for the author's note last chapter. I wrote that in a moment of weakness. But I'm very happy right now so everythings good. And I have reviews to reply to this time. So I'm just going to do that now.**

**Kimmu Ikisayomi- Thank you very much. I feel bad for him too, even though I've already said that in an earlier chapter. Sometimes it hurts to write this.**

**Rainbow Colours- Thank you, I was crying when I wrote it. I mean, I knew how it was going to end, but it was still so sad.**


	8. Chapter 8

Cold hand around his throat. The left side of his face throbbed in time with his heart. His rib cage burned like fire, each breath sending white hot waves of agony through his torso. The hands themselves were like ice against his hot skin. They tightened their grip, crushing his wind pipe.

"Monster," the man spat in disgust. "You don't deserve to live. The Military Police should've killed you when they had the chance."

Hot tears streamed down his face. A far darker part of his mind wished that this was Levi, rather than a soldier he'd only met the day before. It would only feel right if he died by the hands of his commander, and executioner. But instead he was stuck with a man whose name he didn't even know.

The last time that he'd been choked like this flashed through his mind. That had been six years ago, but he still remembered like it was yesterday. Those hands, they'd felt the same as the ones currently gripping his throat. And these dark eyes were engulfed by the same hatred as the ones from so long ago. Was it always like this? Did it always take this level of pure hatred to strangle an unarmed man?

_"Did you do it?"_

His swollen, bloody lips trembled as more tears rolled down his cheeks. Unarmed sure, but the hatred was justified. That thought was painfully clear in his hazy mind. It remained, even as his grip on reality slipped like sand through his fingers. The lack of oxygen made his head spin.

"They should've dissected you." The soldier growled in his ringing ear. "They should've torn you apart piece by piece, and then killed you. That's when they do to captured titans, right?"

The words stung. It was no surprise that this man viewed him as a titan. Hell, he'd been calling him one since the moment they'd met. But to be told that he was no better than the titans Hanji played with was like a knife to the chest. A sob racked his damaged body, the escaping air catching in his crushed throat. The action left him more dazed than before.

The man began to speak again, but no words reached his detached mind. He closed his eyes in an attempt to ignore the white stars dancing across his vision. Was this really the end? It was almost funny. He was lying there, too weak to move, bloody and beaten, and about to die at the hands of a human. A soldier at that. How many times had he evaded death? Guns, swords, and cannons had been pointed at him. He'd been eaten, sacrificed himself for his best friend. Countless times he should've died, only to now succumb to a pair of calloused hands rapped around his neck.

As he began to slip away, he felt a pang of guilt. Mikasa and Armin, what would they do without him? Would they ever see the ocean? Or would they be devoured like most Survey Corps members? He'd promised that they'd see it one day. Without him, they'd probably never make it. All because he was dying a meaningless death.

A distant shout reached his ears and the hands were suddenly retched from his throat. He instinctively sucked in a lungful of oxygen, only to release it in several hacking coughs. Weakly, he rolled onto his side and gasped for air through coughs. His lungs ached with each breath, intensifying the agony coursing through his rib cage.

"Eren, are you alright?" A voice he recognized as Hanji's asked.

A warm hand gently touched his shoulder. He jerked away from the contact on instinct. His body trembled as he cried quietly. As the haze cleared from his mind, he could only think about how stupid he was to give up. There were things he needed to do dammit! He wouldn't be accomplishing anything by dying.

He pressed his hand to his mouth and sobbed. Hot steam licked his wounds but didn't burn his skin. What little strength he'd regained began to leave him. He felt was fingers gently brush his bangs from his face and forced open his aching eyes to stare into Hanji's hazel orbs.

"Are you alright?" She asked again, sounding concerned.

He had the sense to nod this time, but the action left him lacking the strength to do much else. So, he let himself pass out while listening to Hanji babble on about his titan healing, and feeling the comfort of said healing's effects on his body.

**AN: I wrote this in Spanish today because we had a sub that didn't speak Spanish. Which was really awkward. Especially when she spoke it wrong. **

**Chibi Nagisa Sakura- I've stayed up until 2 am reading fanfiction before. I have to say that its an honor that someone's done that for my work. Thank you.**

**MidMorningSong- I would like to start off by saying that I've missed you the last couple of chapters. Thank you for the ideas, even if they weren't prompts. Also, thank you for the criticism. None of my friends will ever critique my work, so its nice when some one actually points out what I did wrong. I personally didn't like the last chapter and I couldn't figure out why. Now I know what was wrong. I might rewrite it later. I don't know about a second part because I honestly don't know where the idea came from in the first place. But again, thank you for your input. It really helped.**


	9. Chapter 9

He wasn't sure how to react to the scene in front of him. There was Hanji, chugging a bottle of vodka and giggling like a school girl. And then there was Eren, half naked and vomiting into a bucket.

"What the hell did you do shitty glasses?" He growled, glaring at the scientist.

"Just a little experiment." Hanji replied.

"How is this an experiment?" He ground out through clenched teeth. His nails dug into the palms of his hands. It took almost every ounch of his strength not to bash the woman's head in.

"I wanted to see what it would do." Hanji said with a shit eating grin. "I had to see if he could transform when he was drunk. And he can't by the way."

He looked back at Eren. The brat was currently leaning over a metal bucket, sobbing quietly. His hands were bleeding heavily, the dark crimson liquid dripping down his arms and soaking his sleeves. His pants were missing and he could only hope that the brat was wearing underwear. The exposed legs were covered with dark marks left behind by the leather straps from his maneuver gear.

"Where are his pants?" He asked, turning back to the scientist.

Hazel eyes widened slightly and she snapped her head to the side to stare at the titan shifter. "Holy shit, where are his pants?"

Grinding his teeth, Levi strode over to the fifteen year old. "Where are your pants brat?"

Watery teal eyes looked up at him innocently. "I don't know, sir."

"How the hell do you not know? Did someone take them?" He really wasn't in the mood to deal with this bull shit right now.

The brat opened his mouth to reply, only to lean over the bucket and vomit like a pregnant woman. He finished with several painful sounding coughs. "I don't remember, sir."

"Are you serious!" Hanji exclaimed. "You've only been drunk for a few hours and you're already sobering up."

"That's what usually happens when you drink, dumb ass." Levi snarled before hoisting Eren up by his arm. "Come on brat, I'm putting you to bed."

"Yes sir." The titan shifter mumbled, pulling down the hem of his shirt. And Levi's fears were confirmed, he wasn't wearing underwear.

**AN: I'd actually written this a while ago, but found it while I was looking for something else. I was going to write a part two for chapter 8, but then I had about twenty other things to do. Funny thing is, this was originally going to be chapter 5. And in case anyone's interested, I made a few small changes to chapter 7. Nothing major, just a few very small things. I doubt anyone will notice unless they read that thing religiously.**

**I would also like to say that my friend is doing a cover art for this. Yay! I'm very excited. It should be up next time I post. Whenever that is. **

**Revynant- Well thank you very much, you wonderful, beautiful creature. Even though the only reason you reviewed was because I was sitting right there and told you to. But still, thank you very much. **

**MidMorningSong- Thank you for the complement. Also thank you for pointing that out. I personally saw it as obvious, but I'm the writer so I guess that's natural. The person who choked Eren previously (6 years ago) was the third kidnapper from Mikasa's past. He was the one that Mikasa killed. I tried to make it as obvious as possible, without coming right out and saying it. I guess I need to work on that.**


	10. Chapter 10

"I love you." The words left her mouth in a clear, confident tone. She knew what she was doing. This wasn't a mistake. Looking into his eyes, she realized just how wrong she was.

"What do you want me to say?" He asked in a quiet voice. There was pain in his bright teal eyes.

"I want you to tell me how you feel." She replied, far less confident now. This had been a mistake, she was sure of it now.

He gnawed on his lip, but stopped when he realized he was doing it. "What I feel doesn't matter."

"Why not?" Her voice cracked.

He turned his pained gaze away, choosing instead to stare at the wall. "Because we can't be together."

"I don't mean right now. Once the war is over, then we can be together." Her stomach was tying itself in knots. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.

Smooth, warm hands gripped her shoulders. A small sound escaped her and she jumped his shock. His teal eyes stared at her with such intensity that she didn't dare look away. Those large orbs were filled with so much pain and anger that she thought she'd catch fire. A small amount of fear fluttered in her chest.

"You don't understand." He gripped her shoulders tighter. He wanted her to understand, needed her to understand. But what, she didn't know.

"Then make me understand!" She practically shouted, her voice bouncing off the empty stone walls.

"I can't be with you!" He shouted back, digging his nails into her skin.

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes. "Why not? Is it because you don't love me? Or are you worried about hurting me? I can take care of myself!"

She could see tears in his eyes too. "It has nothing to do with that!" He yelled.

"So you don't love me." The words tasted vile on her tongue.

"I never said that!" His voice hurt her ears.

"Then what is it?" She screamed.

That made him pause. Hatred and self-loathing filled his eyes. His hands went slack and dropped at his sides. He blinked rapidly, trying to dispel the tears that had collected. "I can't," he whispered.

"Why not?"

His anger flared back up again and he glared at her like she had just insulted his deceased mother. "Do you honestly believe it will end with this fucking war? Hell, I'll probably be handed over to the Military Police once this is all over. And if by some miracle I'm allowed to live, then I sure as hell won't be allowed to have kids."

He clenched his trembling hands into fists. "Can you just imagine the lives they would live? If they were even allowed to live at all. Its better they're never born in the first place. Saves them the pain."

She swallowed the bile rising up in her throat. Her gut clenched with guilt. That thought hadn't occurred to her. All she'd thought about was herself, never what that relationship might cause. How selfish could she be?

She focused her gaze on Eren. His face was flushed and his shoulders trembled. Silent tears slid down his face. His eyes were back on the wall, not wanting to look at her. The sight broke her heart more than the words he'd spoken. Without a second thought, she grasped his hot face in her hands and pressed her lips to his.

He didn't pull away, choosing instead to place his hands on her hips. The kiss tasted like tears. Her mother would say it was a bad omen, but she didn't believe in such things. His tongue ran over her lower lip. The action sent a shiver down her spine.

The kiss broke suddenly. "This will never happen again." He said in a stern voice, leaving no room for argument.

She nodded slowly, searching his glassy eyes. Wet lips met hers again, taking her mouth with a fervent hunger. He nibbled on her lower lip and dug his fingers into her dark hair. His nails scratched against her scalp in a way that was almost painful.

She tilted her head to the side to deepen the kiss. Her arms wrapped around his neck so she could pull him closer. His teeth released her lip, only so that he could replace it with his fiery tongue. She opened her mouth to invite him in. He accepted the invitation with little hesitation.

They broke the kiss again to breathe. Hot, wet breath touched her face as they panted. Staring into his glazed eyes she realized something. She may be selfish, but he was too.

**AN: Well, that wasn't supposed to happen. This was supposed to be implied Ereri, but somehow became Eremika. Oh well, maybe I'll put some Ereri in here later. Or maybe I won't. Who knows? Not me. I'm just making these up as I go along. Also, I lied. The cover art is coming next time. So yeah, I've got reviews to take care of now.**

**erengitus- First suggestion! How do I write that? I'll figure it out! Eventually!**

**Madness- Thank you. It's good to know I can write.**

**Murithemagnificant- Thanks :P**


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